The Holiday Load Nobody Talks About (And How to Finally Put Some of It Down)
The exhaustion most women feel in January isn't because the holidays were too long. It's because they carried too much, for too many people, without anyone asking if they were okay.
In this episode, Shari names the invisible load women carry during the holidays, why good intentions never seem to change anything year after year, and what it actually looks like to put some of that load down, not all of it, just some of it.
Key Takeaways
- The invisible load of the holidays, the gift lists, the meals, the travel logistics, the emotional labor of making it special for everyone else, is real, and it lands on the same person every year because nothing structurally changed, not because of personal failure.
- Good intentions aren't a plan. Wanting it to be different isn't the same as deciding it will be different, and deciding isn't the same as having a specific plan for what different actually looks like.
- One ask can change everything. A client who'd done all the holiday shopping alone for years finally asked her husband to take it on, he said yes, and he's done it every year since.
- Small, specific decisions made before the season starts, not in the middle of it, are what actually stick, not big overhauls.
- Putting the load down isn't about doing less for your family or opting out of the holidays. It's about deciding on purpose what you'll carry and what you'll hand off, simplify, or let go of.
- If you wait until you're already exhausted to make these decisions, you won't make them, and January will feel the same as it did last year.
Resources
- Register for the free workshop, Unwind the Holiday Hustle (Tue, Nov 17 at 4pm ET): https://www.sharibiery.com/holiday-hustle-webinar
- Take the free Midlife Spark Type Quiz: https://www.sharibiery.com/quiz
- It's Your Turn, Shari's book: https://www.sharibiery.com/its-your-turn-book
- Follow Shari on Substack: https://sharibiery.substack.com/
- Listen on all platforms: https://pod.link/6788453366
Transcript
The Load Lands on You
[00:00:02] Shari Biery: Load lands on you every year because nothing structurally changed.
Putting some of it down isn't about doing less. It's about deciding differently, on purpose, before the season runs you.
Welcome and Intro
[00:00:19] Shari Biery: You're listening to It's Your Turn with Shari Biery. I'm Shari, a National Board Certified health and wellness coach, best-selling author, speaker, and creator of the C.A.L.M. Method. Each week, this show is about taking your turn in midlife, embracing new purpose, new passions, and new possibilities. New episodes drop weekly, so be sure to subscribe wherever you listen to your podcasts. Now, let's get into it.
The Holidays Are Showing Up, Ready or Not
[00:00:48] Shari Biery: So, the election just happened, the economy has been heavy all year, and somewhere in the middle of all that, the holidays are showing up. Right on schedule, ready or not. And if you're like most women I talk to, you didn't feel a wave of excitement. You maybe even felt a little quiet dread, not about the season itself, but about what the season is going to ask of you.
The gift list, the food, the travel, the family logistics. The emotional labor of making it feel special for everyone else, while you run the whole thing from behind the scenes.
We're going to talk about that invisible load women carry, especially during the holidays, and what it actually looks like to put some of it down. Not all of it, just some of it.
Because the truth is that this time of year, the exhaustion most women feel in January isn't because the holidays were too long. It's because we've carried too much for too many people, without anybody asking us if we were okay with that. And that's what we're changing today.
So stay with me through this episode, and at the end, I'm going to share an opportunity coming up for you to get a little more support around your holidays, and I promise it'll be worth your time.
Think Back to Last Holiday Season
[00:02:35] Shari Biery: Let me ask you something. I want you to think back to last holiday season.
Did you make the gift list? Did you remember all those extra gifts, maybe the teacher, the neighbor gifts, the white elephant exchange? Did you plan the meals, or at least hold the vision for what the meals were supposed to be? Did you manage the travel, the schedules, the family dynamics, and did you do most of that in your head without it ever appearing on anyone else's radar?
If that is a yes, that's the invisible load. It's not dramatic. It doesn't announce itself, it just quietly lands on you, year after year, because that's how it's always been. And because you handle it, everyone assumes you're fine.
The question isn't whether the load is real, because it is. The question is, why does it keep landing the same way?
Good Intentions Aren't a Plan
[00:03:45] Shari Biery: And I want to point out something, that good intentions are not a plan.
Here's what I've noticed, and what the women I work with tell me over and over again. Every year, they say it'll be different. Every year, they mean it. And every year, they get to December and realize the same things are on their plate that were there last year.
And this is with the women who first come to me. We talk about that not being a lack of willpower, not because they didn't want things to change, but because good intentions without a real plan don't change anything.
Wanting it to be different is not the same as deciding it will be different. And deciding is not the same as having a plan for what different actually looks like.
This is the gap, right here, between wanting and doing. Between intention and action. And most of us, we can get stuck in it every single year.
A Client Story: One Ask
[00:05:08] Shari Biery: So what does putting some of it down actually look like? I want to give you a few examples, because I think we make this more complicated than it needs to be, and I'll just share one of my clients' experience.
She had been doing all of the holiday shopping for their kids for years. Every year, by herself. And she came through doing the Unwind the Holiday Hustle workshop, and she realized she'd never actually asked her husband to take it on. She assumed it wouldn't occur to him. She assumed he wouldn't do it well. So she just kept doing it.
And a few years ago, when she went through the workshop, she asked if he would consider doing some of it. And he said, yeah, I'd love to. And he did it.
And she told me, to her amazement, he did it, and everything turned out fine. It actually was better than fine. And now, he's taken it every year since. This is more for the shopping for their young adult children, since she's busy with her career and everything else going on.
That was it. It was one ask. One conversation she had been avoiding for years, because she assumed she already knew the answer. It turns out she asked, and then things got to be different, and they created a plan.
My Own Example: The Christmas Tree
[00:07:01] Shari Biery: So, I'll give you mine. I used to set up the Christmas tree after Thanksgiving. Always. It felt like the right order of things.
But I was traveling, we were traveling almost every year during that window, and it just meant I was scrambling. I felt behind, I felt stressed, I was trying to squeeze the tree in between everything else.
And last year, I put the tree up before Thanksgiving. It almost felt sacrilegious, like I was skipping something, but that tree sat in my living room for weeks, lit up, and I actually enjoyed it. I walked past it every morning, I had time to look at it. It didn't feel like a to-do. It felt more like mine, something special.
So I want to point these out because they were one small decision. The season felt different because of it.
Now, other things can happen. You can order the pie, you can order the whole Thanksgiving meal. But what I thought would feel like giving up turned out to feel like relief.
And none of these are radical, they're decisions, specific ones, made before the season starts, not in the middle of it, when you're already underwater.
The Shift
[00:08:20] Shari Biery: So that's the shift I want you to hear today. Putting the load down isn't about doing less for your family. It's not about opting out of the holidays.
It's about being intentional before the season takes over. About what you're willing to carry, and what you're ready to hand off, delegate, simplify, or just let go.
Because if you wait until you're already exhausted to make these decisions, you won't make them. You'll just push through again. And January will feel the same way it did last year.
A Question to Sit With
[00:08:59] Shari Biery: Something to take away here, the invisible load is real, and it lands on you, because it always has. That's not personal. It's a pattern. And patterns can change.
Good intentions aren't a plan. Wanting it to be different this year requires one specific decision made before the season starts to run you.
So, small shifts are the ones that stick. You don't need to overhaul the holidays, you need one thing you're going to do differently. One ask, one thing you're going to stop doing, one thing you're going to hand off and actually let go of.
So, what is one thing you've been carrying during the holidays that you could ask someone else to handle, or simplify, or just let go of this year? Not a list. Just one thing.
Where to Go From Here
[00:09:53] Shari Biery: So, I want to invite you to something that's happening, coming up here. It's Tuesday, November 17th, and I am hosting the Unwind the Holiday Hustle Workshop. It's virtual, you can join in.
And this is where we actually build the plan. Not a theory, not an intention, it's a real specific plan for how you want to move through this season. What you'll carry, what you'll put down. And how you'll protect your energy so you actually get to enjoy it.
And this is exactly what my client did when she finally asked her husband to handle the shopping. She came in with good intentions every year. In the workshop, she made the decision. It changed the season for her.
So, if you're tired of white-knuckling through the holidays and ready to actually experience them again, come join me. I'll put the link to the registration below, and I will see you there.
Keep Taking Your Turn
[00:11:00] Shari Biery: So, thank you for spending time, again, with me today. If this episode resonated with you, you know a woman who would appreciate hearing this, share it with a friend or someone in your life.
And be sure, if you haven't subscribed to the podcast, do that, leave a review, I would be so grateful for any of your reviews of what you're thinking and what you're carrying away from this podcast.
Until next time, it's your turn.
Your Next Steps
If this episode named something you're carrying, join the free workshop, Unwind the Holiday Hustle. Tuesday, November 17th at 4pm Eastern. This is where you build an actual plan, not just an intention, for how you'll move through this season. Register here.
If you haven't yet, take the free Midlife Spark Type Quiz to see where you are right now. Take the quiz here.
This content is for informational purposes only and is not intended as medical or mental health advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional with any questions about your health.
AI Disclosure: I'm a mom, wife, veteran military spouse, healthcare worker, and National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach. My writing connects back to my book, It's Your Turn, and my own lived experience. I use AI to help draft and edit, but every idea, story, and word comes from me.
