The Holiday Pressure Trap: How to Actually Enjoy the Season This Year
How do you actually enjoy the holidays instead of just surviving them? A few years ago, Shari skipped the Christmas tree and ordered Thanksgiving dinner from Cracker Barrel, and for the first time in years, she wasn't managing the holidays, she was present for them.
In this episode, Shari talks about the invisible load women carry this time of year, the standard we hold ourselves to that was set in a completely different season of life, and how to decide what this season actually gets to look like for you.
Key Takeaways
- Most women aren't just planning a holiday, they're trying to recreate a feeling from a different season of life, often one with more bandwidth or more help than they currently have.
- The holidays, run the old way, are all force. Midlife responds to rhythm, not force, and that applies to the season too.
- Ask yourself honestly what's one thing on your holiday list you could let go of, delegate, or do differently this year, the meal, the decorations, the gifts, or which gatherings you actually say yes to.
- Most women aren't bad at asking for help because they're too proud. They're bad at it because they've spent years believing it's easier to just do it themselves, and that becomes the expectation everyone else learns.
- The real question underneath the season isn't how to manage it, coordinate it, or survive it. It's what you actually want to enjoy.
- Decide what enjoyment looks like for you this year, and protect it like it matters, because it does.
Resources
- Register for the free workshop, Unwind the Holiday Hustle (Tue, Nov 17, 2026) https://www.sharibiery.com/holiday-hustle-webinar
- Take the free Midlife Spark Type Quiz: https://www.sharibiery.com/quiz
- Read or Listen to It's Your Turn, Shari's book: https://www.sharibiery.com/its-your-turn-book
- Website: https://www.sharibiery.com
Transcript
How Do I Actually Enjoy the Holidays?
[00:00:01] Shari Biery: How do I actually enjoy the holidays instead of just surviving them?
The moment you stop trying to do it all, the season starts to feel like yours again.
Welcome and Intro
[00:00:16] Shari Biery: You're listening to It's Your Turn with Shari Biery. I'm Shari, a National Board Certified health and wellness coach, best-selling author, speaker, and creator of the C.A.L.M. Method. Each week, this show is about taking your turn in midlife, embracing new purpose, new passions, and new possibilities. New episodes drop weekly, so be sure to subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Now, let's get into it.
The Cracker Barrel Thanksgiving
[00:00:44] Shari Biery: A few years ago, we were in the middle of a move close to the holidays. It was mid-November. And I made several decisions that felt really radical at that time.
I didn't put up a Christmas tree. And then I took it one step further for Thanksgiving, I ordered the whole meal from Cracker Barrel.
It was different. It was not what I had always done. But what it was, was liberating. Because, for the first time in years, I wasn't managing the holidays. I was actually present for them.
So today, I want to talk about that, about the pressure we put on ourselves this time of year, what it costs us, and how to decide what the season actually gets to look like for you.
The Invisible Load of the Holidays
[00:01:46] Shari Biery: So let me paint you a picture, see if this sounds familiar. I know we're rolling out of October into November, and already in the back of your mind, the lists have already started. Gifts, travel, food, decorations, cards, the school thing, the work thing, the family thing.
You're coordinating everything. Holding the details nobody else is tracking. Making sure it all comes together the way it's quote-unquote supposed to.
And somewhere in the middle of all that, you disappear. Not dramatically. You're still there, still showing up, still making it happen. But your needs, your enjoyment, what you actually want this season to feel like, those get pushed to the back of the line again.
This is the invisible load of the holidays, and most women are carrying it completely alone.
Whose Holiday Is This, Really?
[00:02:56] Shari Biery: I think here's what makes it harder. Most of us aren't just planning a holiday. We're trying to recreate a feeling. The way it used to look, the way it always looked, the standard we've held ourselves to for years, sometimes even decades.
And that standard was set in a different season of life. Maybe when you had more bandwidth. Maybe when things were different. Maybe when someone else was helping in ways you didn't even notice at the time.
I say this often, midlife does not respond well to force. It responds to rhythm. And the holidays run the old way are all force.
So the question worth asking is, whose holiday is this, really? Is it the one you actually want? Or is it the one you feel like you're supposed to deliver?
What You Can Let Go Of
[00:04:19] Shari Biery: This is where I want to liberate you a little here, from the have-tos, the must-dos, the should-haves that have been on autopilot for so long you've stopped questioning them.
Because some of what you're doing this season, maybe nobody asked you for it. Nobody will notice it if it doesn't happen. But it's costing you something real.
So just ask yourself honestly, what is the one thing on your holiday list that you get to let go of, delegate, or do differently this year?
Maybe it's the big meal. Maybe you get to order it, or go out. There's no shame in Cracker Barrel Thanksgiving. I'm living proof.
Maybe it's the decorations. Put up what brings you joy, and leave the rest in the box.
Maybe it's the gifts. Simplify. Set a budget. Send a card and mean it.
Maybe it's saying yes to every gathering you've been saying yes to, and realizing you're allowed to choose which ones actually fill you up.
Ask for Help. Actually Ask.
[00:05:34] Shari Biery: So, those are some things, and then there's some other things to consider. Ask for help. Actually ask.
One more thing, and this one matters, right? Because most women I work with are not bad at asking for help because they're too proud. They're not really great at asking for help because they've spent years believing it's just easier to do it themselves. And I was there, too.
That asking takes more energy than doing, is what we're saying in our mind. That nobody will do it the way we would do it, right? And maybe that's true, but here's really something to consider.
When you do everything yourself, you teach everyone around you that you will do everything yourself. And that becomes the expectation.
So this season, ask. Be specific. Assign the task, let go of how it gets done. You don't need it done your way, you just need it done, right?
What Do You Actually Want to Enjoy?
[00:06:43] Shari Biery: And the real question underneath all of this for you is, what do you actually want to enjoy this season? Not manage, not coordinate, not survive. I'm talking enjoy.
Maybe it's a quiet morning with your coffee, sitting by the Christmas lights before anyone else gets up. Maybe it's one meaningful gathering instead of five exhausting ones. Maybe it's a long walk in the cold air, maybe it's actually sitting down for the meal instead of running back and forth to the kitchen.
Whatever it is, decide it, protect it, and give yourself permission to show up for it.
The holidays can be a season you love again. But that only happens when you stop trying to make it perfect for everyone else, and start asking what it means for you.
You Don't Have to Do All of This
[00:07:46] Shari Biery: You don't have to do all of this, right? The holidays do not require your exhaustion to be meaningful. So let some things go, ask for help, decide what enjoyment looks like for you this year, and protect it like it matters, because it does.
Where to Go From Here
[00:08:07] Shari Biery: As we go into this, thinking of holidays and everything, I know it's early November, but if you want to go deeper on this, I offer a free workshop that's coming up called Unwind the Holiday Hustle. It's on Tuesday, November 17th, this is 2026, and I'll put the details in the show notes here where you can sign up. I'll send you the Zoom link where it's going to happen, and it's designed to help you get through the season without losing yourself in it. You get to decide what your holidays look like, and we're going to do some powerful work there. So, you can register at the link in the show notes.
And if you know other women who may be interested in that, share this episode with them, the podcast, or the link for the Unwind the Holiday Hustle Workshop.
Keep Taking Your Turn
[00:09:03] Shari Biery: So, I just want to say thanks for spending time with me again today, and if something in this episode really hit for you, share it with me. Share it with the women, let me know. And I love to hear feedback. I've heard so many great things from all of you about what has been landing for you, and so we get to continue that.
So, until next time, keep taking your turn.
Your Next Steps
If this episode landed for you, join the free workshop, Unwind the Holiday Hustle. Tuesday, November 17th at 4pm Eastern. It's designed to help you get through the season without losing yourself in it. Register here.
If you haven't yet, take the free Midlife Spark Type Quiz to see where you are right now. Take the quiz here.
This content is for informational purposes only and is not intended as medical or mental health advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional with any questions about your health.
AI Disclosure: I'm a mom, wife, veteran military spouse, healthcare worker, and National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach. My writing connects back to my book, It's Your Turn, and my own lived experience. I use AI to help draft and edit, but every idea, story, and word comes from me.
