How to Stop Feeling Stuck and Start Coming Back to Yourself with the C.A.L.M. Method
What if the thing standing between you and coming home to yourself isn't a system, or more time, or money? What if it's permission? In the finale of the Coming Home series, Shari Biery brings together everything the series has been building toward: the C.A.L.M. Method, Clarity, Awareness, Learning, Mindset, told through the real story of a woman who found her way back to herself, one stage at a time.
Key Takeaways
- The C.A.L.M. Method is the framework at the center of everything Shari teaches: Clarity, Awareness, Learning, Mindset, and each stage opens the next.
- Clarity means getting honest about who you are right now and what matters in this season, not who you were ten years ago, and not who everyone else needs you to be.
- Awareness surfaces the beliefs that have been quietly running your choices, often for decades, so you can finally question them instead of living inside them.
- Learning is building rhythms that fit your real life, not rigid routines that collapse by week three. Sometimes the smallest steps, a nap, an afternoon with a book, are the most significant ones.
- Mindset is the quiet, steady practice of choosing a belief that supports who you're becoming rather than the one that's kept you where you've been.
- No one hands you permission. You give it to yourself, and that's the real work underneath all four stages.
Resources
- It's Your Turn, Shari's book and audiobook: https://www.sharibiery.com/its-your-turn-book
- Take the free Midlife Spark Type Quiz: https://www.sharibiery.com/quiz
- Follow Shari on Substack: https://sharibiery.substack.com/
- Listen on all platforms: https://pod.link/6788453366
Transcript
Permission, Not a System
[00:00:04] Shari Biery: What if the thing standing between you and coming home to yourself isn't more time. Isn't money. Isn't a system.
What if it's permission?
Permission you've been waiting for someone else to give you.
Welcome and Series Close
[00:00:25] Shari Biery: You're listening to It's Your Turn with Shari Biery. I'm Shari, a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, best-selling author, speaker, and creator of the C.A.L.M. Method. Each week, this show is about taking your turn in midlife, embracing new purpose, new passions, and new possibilities. New episodes drop weekly, so be sure to subscribe so you don't miss one. Now, let's get into it.
If you've been with me for this whole Coming Home series, thank you. You've stayed with something that has mattered to you. This is Episode 7 of 7 in the Coming Home series.
And if this is your first episode, you're in the right place. This episode stands all on its own as well.
A Woman I Worked With
[00:01:18] Shari Biery: So, I want to tell you about a woman I worked with. She came to me in her early 60s. She was sharp, accomplished. The kind of woman who had managed everything around her for decades. Her family, her career, her home, her community. And from the outside, she had it together.
But she came to me feeling very overwhelmed. Struggling to make any decisions for herself. She told me she wanted to feel more on purpose in her days. But she couldn't quite get there.
She also told me early on that she was watching carefully to see whether working with me as a coach was going to be another thing that took her energy without giving anything back. And she had earned that right to be skeptical, from the other things she had tried.
What she found over months of working together wasn't a new system or a better schedule. It was something she had never given herself before. Permission.
And the path she walked to get there has a name. It's called the C.A.L.M. Method.
Now, the C.A.L.M. Method is the framework I built at the center of everything I do. You've heard me mention it in every episode at the beginning of the podcast. And today, I want to show you what it actually looks like in a real woman's life.
There are 4 stages, and each one opens the next. So I'm going to go through each of them here. C is for Clarity, A is for Awareness, L is for Learning, and M is for Mindset. And we're going to break each one of these down.
C — Clarity
[00:03:26] Shari Biery: So, let's talk about Clarity.
Clarity is getting honest about who you are right now, and what matters in your life. It's not looking to who you were 10 years ago. Or who everyone else needs you to be.
This woman who came to me, she came in wanting to be more intentional. But I had to ask her, intentional about what? And that was the Clarity work. What did she actually want more of? What did she want less of? What mattered to her at 65, in a way it hadn't at 45?
Clarity is usually a quiet pause. It's a moment of stopping long enough to ask the question she had been too busy to hear.
And the thing that I really believe is midlife does not respond well to force. It responds to stillness. And when you get still enough to hear the answer, you realize you've known it for a while. You just hadn't given yourself permission to listen.
A — Awareness
[00:04:59] Shari Biery: Then we're going to talk about Awareness. Awareness showed her a lot. It showed her the belief underneath everything.
Awareness is recognizing the patterns and beliefs that have been shaping your choices, often without realizing it.
This woman thought her problem was her schedule. If she could just get more organized, everything would fall into place. But as our work showed her, Awareness showed her something different. The real barrier wasn't her calendar. It was a belief she'd been carrying for decades. That her needs came last. That taking up space for herself was selfish. That she had to earn rest.
These aren't truths. They're stories. And Awareness is what lets you see them for what they are.
Once she could see the belief, she could question it. And once she could question it, it stopped running everything.
L — Learning
[00:06:15] Shari Biery: So, next we're going to move on to Learning. The L in Learning is learning to listen to your body and building rhythms that actually work for your real life.
Now, this has nothing to do with rigid routines that collapse by week 3. It's about building sustainable ones, ones that fit your busy schedule and your life.
For this woman, the Learning stage looked like a series of small, specific decisions. She shifted her workweek to give herself real breathing room. She found a doctor who actually listened. She built a real retirement plan. She got her family's important documents in order, something she had been putting off for years.
And then, she took a nap. And she sat outside, and read a book.
Those last two might sound small. They weren't. For a woman who had spent decades putting herself last, choosing to rest without guilt was one of the most significant things she had ever done.
Learning isn't about doing more. It's about doing the right things for the body and life you have right now, not the one you had 10 years ago.
M — Mindset
[00:08:06] Shari Biery: And finally, Mindset. M is for Mindset. It's the shift from reacting on autopilot to choosing with intention. The quiet, steady practice of choosing a belief that supports who you're becoming, rather than the one that keeps you where you've been.
This is where her story really mattered. Because she sent me a message after we finished working together, and she had been reflecting on what actually changed. And what she wrote was so beautiful.
She said, the phrase that keeps coming to my mind is giving myself permission. Permission to be first. Permission to take up space. Permission to stop living in service to everyone else's needs while quietly sidelining my own.
I came wanting to be more intentional. But intention wasn't the real barrier. What I uncovered was that I had never allowed myself to prioritize me.
No one gave her that permission. She found it herself. That is Mindset work.
The Path
[00:09:35] Shari Biery: So, the thing you have to know about this path, this framework, she didn't start with Mindset. She started with Clarity, and each stage opened the next one.
She got clear on what she wanted. Awareness showed her what was in the way. Learning gave her the practical steps. And Mindset is what made it stick.
That's the path. It's not linear, exactly, because real life isn't linear, but directional. Each stage prepares you for the next.
And underneath all four stages is the same truth. That midlife isn't a breakdown. It's a homecoming. And the C.A.L.M. Method is the map back to yourself.
Which Stage Feels Alive Right Now?
[00:10:33] Shari Biery: So, if anything from today is really sitting with you, here's one thing that's worth really thinking about right now.
What stage of the C.A.L.M. Method feels most alive for you right now?
Are you in Clarity, still figuring out what you want at this time in your life? Are you in Awareness, starting to see a belief that's been running things quietly? Or are you in Learning, building rhythms that actually fit your life? Or Mindset, practicing the permission to put yourself first?
There's no wrong answer. Just notice where you are. That noticing is the beginning of everything.
Closing the Series
[00:11:27] Shari Biery: So, this is the last episode of this Coming Home series, and I want to say something before I let you go. Because if you've been listening to this series, you've been doing something that takes a lot of courage. You've been paying attention to yourself, in a life that usually asks you to pay attention to everyone else first. And that's not a small thing.
So, coming home to yourself doesn't happen in 7 episodes. But I hope this series gave you something to carry. A name for where you are. A sense that you're not alone in it. And maybe one small step towards the door.
The door is always there. You just have to be willing to walk towards it.
One Last Question
[00:12:23] Shari Biery: So, before you go, there's one last question from this whole series that I really want you to think about.
What would it feel like to give yourself the same permission she gave herself?
Permission to be first. Permission to take up space. Permission to come home.
Where to Go From Here
[00:12:50] Shari Biery: So, thanks for spending time with me today. If today's episode opened something for you, and you want to go deeper, my book, It's Your Turn, is where the C.A.L.M. Method lives in full. There are real stories, reflection exercises, and the practices that help you move through each stage at your own pace.
And if you're someone who takes in the world through your ears, the audiobook is also available. So whether you're walking, driving, or sitting with your morning coffee, the words can meet you where you are. You'll find both at sharibiery.com/its-your-turn-book.
Keep Taking Your Turn
[00:13:34] Shari Biery: The link is always in the show notes, and if something in this episode resonated with you, and you know a friend in your life, a woman who might need to hear it, share it.
I appreciate you, and I'm so grateful you're here. And until next time, keep taking your turn.
Take Your Next Step
If this episode opened something for you, go deeper with It's Your Turn. The book and audiobook are where the C.A.L.M. Method lives in full, real stories, reflection exercises, and the practices that help you move through each stage at your own pace. Find both here.
If you haven't yet, take the free Midlife Spark Type Quiz to see where you are right now. Take the quiz here.
This content is for informational purposes only and is not intended as medical or mental health advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional with any questions about your health.
AI Disclosure: I'm a mom, wife, veteran military spouse, healthcare worker, and National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach. My writing connects back to my book, It's Your Turn, and my own lived experience. I use AI to help draft and edit, but every idea, story, and word comes from me.
