Something Feels Off in Midlife. Here's Where to Start.
Something has been quietly asking for your attention. Not a crisis. Not a dramatic shift. Just a low hum underneath everything that you haven't had a name for yet. In this episode, Shari Biery opens the Coming Home series, a seven-part conversation about what it actually looks like to find your way back to yourself in midlife. She names the three ways that feeling tends to show up for women, and offers one small place to start.
Key Takeaways
- What you're feeling isn't weakness or a flaw. It's a signal worth paying attention to.
- The feeling of being "off" in midlife tends to show up in one of three ways: bone-level exhaustion from giving too much for too long, disconnection from a body that's changing without explanation, or a quiet identity question underneath everything.
- You don't need a solution yet. Getting a name for what you're carrying is the first step, and it's more powerful than most people expect.
- The Coming Home series is seven episodes on coming back to yourself in midlife. Each episode stands on its own, so wherever you're starting, you're in the right place.
- Naming where you are doesn't require a fix or a plan. It requires honesty about what you've actually been carrying.
Resources
- π― Take the free Midlife Spark Type Quiz: https://www.sharibiery.com/quiz — 3 minutes, 10 questions, personalized result
- π It's Your Turn — Shari's book: https://www.sharibiery.com/its-your-turn-book
- π Follow Shari on Substack: https://sharibiery.substack.com/
Transcript
A Message That Stopped Me
[00:00:02] Shari Biery: A woman sent me a message after she took the Midlife Spark Type Quiz.
She said, I've been carrying this for three years, and I didn't have a name for it. Now I do.
Welcome to It's Your Turn
[00:00:16] Shari Biery: You're listening to It's Your Turn with Shari Biery. I'm Shari, a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, bestselling author, speaker, and creator of the C.A.L.M. Method. Each week, this show is about taking your turn in midlife, embracing new purpose, new passions, and new possibilities. New episodes drop weekly, so be sure to subscribe so you don't miss one. Now let's get started.
Three Years of Carrying Something Without a Name
[00:00:45] Shari Biery: Three years. That's how long she'd been carrying it before she had a word for it.
She wasn't in crisis. She wasn't falling apart. She was doing fine by every measure anyone around her could see.
But underneath the fine, something had been quietly asking for attention for a long time. A kind of restlessness. A sense that she was living a little outside of herself and couldn't quite find the door back.
She took a three-minute quiz and got a result. And she sat with it for a minute.
Then she sent me a message.
I didn't realize how much I needed someone to name it.
[00:01:35] I think about that a lot. How much energy we spend carrying something we don't have a name for. How exhausting it is to try to fix something you can't quite describe.
And how much lighter things can feel when someone just says, I see what you're carrying.
Introducing the Coming Home Series
[00:02:04] Shari Biery: This episode is the start of a series I'm calling Coming Home.
Not a fix. Not a program. A series of honest conversations about what it actually looks like to come back to yourself in midlife. The support that helps, the patterns that get in the way, and for each woman, depending on where she is, what her first step might be.
Because the woman who's exhausted from giving everything to everyone else needs something different than the woman whose body feels like a stranger, who needs something different than the woman who's quietly asking who she is now that everything has shifted.
They're all coming home. They're just starting from different places.
Three Ways the Feeling Shows Up
[00:02:54] Shari Biery: Over years of working with midlife women, I've noticed that the feeling, the one that's hard to name, tends to show up in one of three ways.
The first is a kind of bone-level tiredness.
Not the tired that sleep fixes. It's the tired that comes from giving so much for so long that you genuinely can't remember the last time you did something just because you wanted to. Every yes has been for someone else. And the guilt that shows up the moment you try to say no, even once, tells you something important about how long that's been true.
[00:03:51] The second is a sense of disconnection from your own body.
Things have changed, and no one has explained why. Your energy is different. Your sleep is different. The strategies that worked for years, the diet, the routine, the way you push through, aren't working anymore. And when you try to get answers, you leave appointments with more confusion than you came in with.
You're not imagining it. You just haven't had anyone sit with you and help you understand what your body is actually asking for.
[00:04:30] And the third is harder to describe.
It's the feeling of looking up one day and not quite recognizing the life you're living. Not because anything is wrong exactly, but because so much of it was built around who you were supposed to be for everyone else for so long, that somewhere in the middle of all of it, you lost the thread back to yourself.
And now there's a quiet question underneath everything.
Who am I when it's finally just me?
[00:05:09] You might have felt yourself in one of those. You might have felt yourself in all three. Either way, this series is for you.
Naming It Is the First Step
[00:05:21] Shari Biery: The woman who sent me that message after taking the quiz didn't get a solution in three minutes.
She got something she hadn't had in three years.
A name.
And I want to offer you the same thing. Not a fix. Not a plan. Just a little more clarity about where you actually are.
Because when you can name it, something shifts. You stop wondering if you're imagining it. You stop waiting to feel better on your own. You start understanding what kind of support might actually help.
That's where coming home begins. Not with the answer. With the right question.
One Small Step
[00:06:12] Shari Biery: If anything from today is sitting with you, here's the one thing I'd invite you to try.
Take the free Midlife Spark Type Quiz. It's three minutes, ten questions, and when you finish, you'll get a result that names where you are right now, along with some thoughts on what you might need most at this time.
Not what worked five years ago. What makes sense for you right now.
The link is always in the show notes, and it's at https://www.sharibiery.com/quiz.
And in the episodes ahead, we'll go deeper into each type. So wherever you land, there's a conversation waiting for you.
A Question to Sit With
[00:07:04] Shari Biery: There's a question for you today.
What have you been carrying that you haven't had a name for?
Just sit with that for a bit and see what comes up for you.
Coming Up Next
[00:07:21] Shari Biery: Next week, we're going to talk about the kind of support that actually helps midlife women make changes that stick. Not more information. Something different. I think you'll find it worth your time.
You can find me on Substack at https://sharibiery.substack.com. If you haven't yet taken the free Midlife Spark Type Quiz, go do that. And until next time, keep taking your turn.
This content is for informational purposes only and is not intended as medical or mental health advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional with any questions about your health.
AI Disclosure: I'm a mom, wife, veteran military spouse, healthcare worker, and National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach. My writing connects back to my book, It's Your Turn, and my own lived experience. I use AI to help draft and edit, but every idea, story, and word comes from me.
